We are all familiar with Saul who killed followers of Jesus, and did so legally . . . was even well thought of for having done so. What happened to him in the familiar life change moment though? In order for him to really see and know Jesus in his heart and soul, his eyes were blinded. When he truly saw Jesus, his sight was restored in body, mind, and spirit and what followed was AMAZING. Paul’s Epistles are my most favorite books of the Bible. The inspiration which I get from them . . . they blow me away and make me want to be more and more a servant of the King of Kings at each re-read.
I’ve been in a life change season for quite long while, it seems to me. There are some big “Lord, you know I love you” needs on my list which are still on the list. Oddly enough, vision problems and provision concerns and a bit of isolation are part of the “help me Lord” list. I know His love and presence and I am learning more each day. I have found living in Him to be amazing, but different from just “knowing about Him.” Wouldn’t change my relationship status with Him for anything, but boy has it been tricky to learn not to plan things way ahead. Jesus is with me in the present . . . regrets of the past and panic about a future which might not even be His plan? No! Don’t do it. Try not to. Humans, or this one, has to try more than once to catch on sometimes.
So, sometimes I feel slammed in a good way and sometimes I see the Light and the Truth in such a powerful way that it takes my breath away. Often times I feel like the tiny child learning to walk. Seems the moment they manage a couple of steps without landing on their tiny bottoms, they take to running at a speed that amazes their adults. Yup, often ends up being a rescue mission for Mom, Dad, Aunt Martha, etc., too as wee one discovers getting too far ahead on the path can be a mistake. We rescue them and for a time they stay in step with us, until another moment when they think “I got this! I’m cool.” The cycle continues. Same with me and Jesus. He keeps bringing me back in step with Him too.
As for me, I’ve struggled with an eye sight issue for over four years now and when my retinologist told me yesterday, after yet another procedure was performed on my eye, that this can keep on happening. . . . wasn’t what I wanted to hear. There’s no telling when or if these procedures will arrest the problem . . . REALLY wasn’t what I wanted to hear. The bank statement came today. My eye sight was strong enough today to see how clearly the transactions and balance reflected the duration of my financial provision weakness . . .
So, am I like Saul/Paul and thus all this is part of the plan the Lord has for me? Is it just “one of those things” that happen in life? Know what? Whether the human got herself into the situation by her own “fault” or whether it’s His plan doesn’t change the end result. He is with me and He uses all things and redeems us! Yesterday I couldn’t see at all well. Today I can see better. He was with me then. He is with me now. There hasn’t been one time in my life when I fell that He wasn’t there to lift me up and lead me.
I like to think that like Paul, I too could be in prison . . . broken, bleeding, hungry, alone, yet still write such joy filled letters of a beautiful life in Christ. I’m not sure mine would come close to what Paul’s are and I sure hope I don’t have to find out, but how amazing it is to know that REGARDLESS of what messes we wind up in during our earthly life, He is with us in them and lovingly leading us through them!