I Am Nothing

March 29, 2012

It is true, you know.  I am nothing. 

I was walking out of a church supper last night with a friend.  She is about my age.  Not too long ago she and her husband were happy, active, independent, and living a good Christian life . . . then they both got very sick, he passed away and she has been in and out of ICU ever since but even though she’s approached the gates of heaven many times, she is still here.  She walks slowly with a walker, she carries a heavy tank of oxygen with her everywhere she goes.  She is thin and weak and can hardly move, is often out of breath, has trouble eating, sleeping, speaking . . .

She never misses church as long as she’s not in ICU.  She dresses in her Sunday best, she smiles at anyone the Lord puts in her path, and she has uplifting words for them. 

Last night she admitted to me that she is not sure why God doesn’t take her.  I think He knows we need her.  She told me she’d read her devotional reading while wondering about her life and death and it made her consider that maybe He is using her to show people how through the Holy Spirit He can use us, all of us, even – to put it as my friend did “someone like me.”

I had a hard time not crying at her words.  How often do we, for our own reasons, feel like “someone like me.”  This is not an article about making you feel guilty about your own situation being easier than that of my friend.  You see, our own struggles do weigh us down and quite honestly it never really helps me much to be reminded that “a lot of people have it worse.”

The truth is, whether we think so or not we really are “nothing” without our Lord and as long as we think otherwise, He can’t use us as He desires to.    Some of us “get it” and some of us are at times caught up in our own opinion of ourselves and don’t realize how much we need Him.  I think, actually, we are all at various times caught up in both of those mindsets. 

Someone said something to me this morning that reminded me so much of my Savior’s love for me and my dependence on Him . . . and what an incredible gift it is.  She said “you are a blessing to me.”  At once it brought tears to my eyes.  Me?  A blessing?  I am nothing.  Ah, but that is the whole idea – alone I am nothing but in Him and with Him and through Him, I can be part of His body in this world and reflect Him on those around me.  That’s what He wants and it’s what I want.  He loves me.  He tells me so all the time.  He keeps finding new ways to tell me this.  Today, He used one of you.  I am blessed.  I am nothing.  It’s amazing! 

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