March 24, 2012
Do you give up too easily? It’s okay to admit it if you do. It’s just us. You are accepted here. We all, knowingly or unknowingly, give in to defeat at times when in truth, the gloom around us is like a swiftly passing storm and the beauty our human eyes can’t yet see is close – so very close to us.
Just this morning, as I lay in bed with my eyes still closed and just in that earliest point of wakefulness, I heard birds singing. Softly they sang at first, then louder and louder as though the brave lone little bird who dared speak his heart found kindred spirits about him and as each brave feathered one joined in the triumphant chorus, the warmth and beauty spread further and further and became more and more evident.
As I opened my eyes, I saw – through human eyes – a cold and dark morning with signs of thunder and rain on the horizon. Unwilling to give up, I closed my eyes again, preferring what my heart had seen and heard. For my heart, you know, saw sunshine and beauty and possibility and hope . . . and it all began with a single softly shared note.
January 23, 2012
I have macular edema. My retinologist assures me he can treat my unhealthy eyes and that my sight will not fail. This can be treated surgically. I’ve had 6 or 7 procedures thus far. Things are better, but not great. My doctor keeps assuring me that things all will be well. Still, when I read my old favorite books I know I’m not seeing things as they used to be. Why is he so sure . . . I trust my doctor. I do. Really . . . but yet I do not understand . . .
My life is in flux. I moved from all that was familiar to a place I’d dreamed of living and the Lord’s voice was loud and clear that I was following His path for my life. It’s been four years though and many things are good but then there’s a big and scary need that isn’t yet resolved. All will be well, He said and continues to assure me. I trust Him. I really do . . . but yet I don’t understand . . .
I was in the store the other day. My godchild needed some things to bring back to college with her. I wandered through the pharmacy department. I idly picked up some reading glasses, noticed the price and thought I’d grab a spare pair. Suddenly the still small voice spoke to me and as a result I tried on a few different prescriptions first. I was sure nothing would have changed. I was wrong. I needed a pair with a “lower” strength. My eyes were stronger than they’d been in two years.
No wonder I’ve had a lot of trouble seeing. I was looking through the wrong lens. I have a lot of growing and healing to experience yet and so I’m wondering if the eyes of my heart might also be looking through the wrong lens . . .