I’m Forgiven

 

Matthew 6:26
Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they?

 

Song of Songs 2:12
Flowers appear on the earth; the season of singing has come, the cooing of doves is heard in our land

 

My life is so full of blessings and the presence of the Lord, yet there is one need that is still profoundly unmet, at least in the eyes of this too often frightened human.  It’s a “big” need and while I feel that my prayers are being answered, the answers though always a delight, aren’t always what I expect or seek.  Truly, He knows what I need better than I do and most of the time I can see a bounty that exceeds my hopeful expectation, but in the one remaining pressing need of the moment, patience and trust seem to be the answer.  Apparently I’m not patient or trusting enough yet.  So, I pray for Him to lead me and teach me and He does.  Still, I cannot deny that fear grips me on a regular basis. 

I pray in thanks and praise when I can, though at times all I can do is cry out.  When I am able to surrender my fear and my needs to Him, His peace flows over me in ways that cannot even be described and my fear is gone in an instant!  Like the flicking of a switch, the darkness is gone and His light is radiating!  What is the whole answer to the need that keeps gripping me fearfully?  I can only say that He is.   His timing is perfect and my own is not.  But when He takes my fear from me and forgives my weakness, His grace and mercy seem to flow from everything I hear and see!  The truth is that His grace and mercy were there all along, but my focus was on my fear and not on Him. 

I don’t even have to ask Him to show Himself and to rescue me.  He knows me and He never lets me drown in the sea of my own tears.  This morning He encouraged me through the words of a friend and as I read the message my friend sent to me, I was still wrestling with the last bits of the morning’s fearful battle and just as I was wondering “but what if I can’t fix this?  What if I just am not capable?”  The Lord answered me immediately and so clearly with “I Am.”  As I write this I am weeping once more, but the tears are once again filled with His joy.  In all things praise Him for He is good.  Amen.